Archive for the ‘anxiety’ Category

Suffering Mantra

Friday, February 7th, 2014

Welcome new readers! Let me know what speaks to you and what you would like to hear more about, if you will. My intention is that you get at least one thing that sticks with you and helps you when you need a sparkle of inspiration.

I’m suffering with the Lingering Crud, a virus that invites a new virus to replace it when it starts to die. Low energy meets a cough… Time to be extraordinarily kind to ourselves.

Smart Thoughts for Stupid Moments Podcast

is http://smartthoughtsforstupidmoments.libsyn.com/

In the last episode of Smart Thoughts for Stupid Moments, I regaled you with my Freedom Mantra based on the Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz.
This episode turns the Freedom Mantra inside out and reminds us how we tend to add to our own suffering by: assuming bad things, taking everything personally, trying to more than our best, and speaking cruelly to ourselves. In this way we bind ourselves to our suffering and have no energy to play, love, and sing. So let’s call a Code You, as my dear friend the singing nurse Deb Gauldin would say, and WAKE Up, Deb’s website is: www.debgauldin.com

Valentine’s Day Giggle

This will make you laugh, guaranteed!

Beware of the Doghouse – YouTube

Remember: Trusting the process will set you free–eventually!

Following the YES

Monday, August 1st, 2011

Murray and Vicki

My husband and I are leaving in September to go to Bali for a grand venture. We are planning to stay for 9 months with one short trip home to meet our grandson who will be born in December. We’re going to Bali to see what happens. This is what I’m calling following the YES.

Murray quit his job, we are renting out four rooms in our house, fostering our dog and our houseplants, and going to Bali to see what Bali wants to do to us. We have plans to be of service–helping local teachers of English, getting a recycling project started in the schools, and helping people with disabilities. We are also planning on having lots of massages, trips to the beach, and luxurious relaxing time by a pool.

These are inchoate ideas and it remains to be seen what will really happen when we get to Bali. We are open to the YES. We are following that YES.

25 Years Ago or So

The 1st time I felt a YES flutter in my heart for Bali was when I heard that the Balinese had no word for art. Everything in Bali is art. I thought to myself, “I want to go and experience what it’s like to be somewhere where everything is art.”

I felt a  fluttering in my heart and put a Post-It note in my brain: someday go to Bali.

In December of 2007 a dear friend of mine, Jana Stanfield, invited me to join her on a trip to Malaysia and Bali. There were 17 of us and we were Transformational Troubadours. Jana is a fabulous singer-songwriter, motivational speaker, and human being. We had a marvelous, magical trip that was full of songs, laughter, and connection with each others, the culture, and the natural beauty surrounding us.
I spent 7 days in Bali on that trip in December of 2007. I felt deeply healed in the cells of my body. After decades of therapy and psychological and spiritual work, I found a deep home in myself in Bali. I felt seen and known and understood, and before I left I asked our guide how I could best serve Bali.

Dana Lee is a wise man in his 50s, a man who had to leave the mountains of Bali to go into the city of Demizar during the revolution in order to save his life. His grandfather was murdered and they found him floating in a river. These were difficult times for the Balinese to say the least.

Dana is full of wisdom and heart, and when I asked him how I could serve Bali he answered immediately: “Bring more people to Bali like you. Help us learn English and help us learn computers.”

Okey-dokey, I said to myself, “will do.”

I Have Returned!

Each time shortly before I returned to Bali I’d think, “Did I make this up?  Have I exaggerated Bali’s beauty and my love of its people?”  I’d step out of the airport, feel the humidity surround me and think, “No.  I love it here, and this is not even the good part.”

Since my 1st visit I have gone back to Bali 4 more times for longer and longer stays. In March 2010 during the Balinese New Year’s Day of silence, I completed the sentence to myself: “If I weren’t afraid, I would…”

Here was my answer: if I weren’t afraid, I would move to Bali.

Are you kidding me? What about my husband? He’d only been in Bali once, he has a job, and he loves his dog. Could we leave our home, his job, our friends and our life, in fabulous Corvallis, OR to come and see what could happen to us in Bali?

A few days later when he arrived in Bali for his 2nd visit, I asked him if he would consider moving to Bali. He said Yes. The huge YES to life.  What a guy!  I know how lucky I am most of the time to have a husband as wise, sweet, funny, hard-working, honest, and creative as my Murray.  Since we create our own reality, I’m giving myself full credit for inventing Murray.

So now we are following this YES, this YES to aliveness and adventure. We’ve been working since we returned from Bali to get everything ready for this sojourn that begins in September. We know we’re coming back for sure to meet our grand baby, but after that we don’t know what we’ll be doing. We might become world hoppers, people who travel all over the world and come home for short stays to hug and kiss and love up children, grandchildren, and friends and then hop right back out into the world again to see what will happen.

Carpe Diem

Vicki and MurrayI’m turning 60 in September and Murray will turn 56 in October. We are healthy and lively and now is the time. As my dear friend Neil Gladstone, singer-songwriter, said in a recent concert, “time is slipping away.”

What Does this Have to Do with You?

Time is slipping away for all of us, and all of us are in different places in our lives. When my children were young, the YES in my life was living next to an elementary school and the park, so they could walk to school and play with their friends without having to be driven around. It was taking them camping and canoeing and skiing and rafting. It was giving them time and space to invent their own games and settle their disputes.

When my children were little they were the yes in my life. My daughter is 32 now and my son will turn 30 the day we fly away to Bali. They are fabulous human beings with good jobs and outstanding partners. Though the timing of being out of the country when my 1st grand child is born has been a bit troubling to me, I’m deciding that is part of the Yes as well. I have the rest of my life to love this grandchild well. He will know us and know he is loved by us. And we might perhaps be the coolest grandparents ever–world hoppers that we may turn out to be.

Our Yes may bring us back to Corvallis where we have many friends, a gorgeous garden, and a house full of color and art and love. We are living in paradise, and we are following our Yes to another paradise to see what happens to us. It is scary, exciting, thrilling, and is opening us to new parts of ourselves in a way nothing else could.

Joseph Campbell said follow your bliss. I’ve added follow your bliss or it will stalk you. If you want to find your bliss, listen for the little fluttering suggestions that are in you, and follow them one step at a time to see where you end up. You might end up in Bali and you might end up in your own backyard.

I will keep you posted on our journey, hoping our adventure will help you find the courage to follow your YES wherever it leads you.  Let’s all die with no regrets, shall we?

Who’s That Knocking at Your Door?

Tuesday, July 19th, 2011
  • What can we do when were afraid something might be true?
  • What can we do when we wake up full of fear with the feeling of dread in our bellies?
  • What can we do when we wake up feeling totally incompetent and we have to go to work the next day and look like we deserve our status and pay?

I found the answer to these questions last week. I was teaching a workshop for teachers called Discipline with the Brain in Mind. I love teaching this workshop, I’ve taught this all over the world, and it’s usually days of bliss.
This year I only had seven students, seven dedicated educators who are taking the time out of their lives to learn whatever they can to do a better job helping students discover the joys of learning, believe in themselves, and overcome any obstacles that come their way.
As I said, this is one of my favorite things to do, so it was with some surprise that I woke up in the middle of the night, 4 AM to be specific, and felt fear and dread.
Fear and dread? What was this? I love teaching this class! What’s this fear and dread that is attacking me and threatening to ruin one of my favorite classes? I did not want to feel fear and dread, but the truth in my body, and our body never lies, was that I was feeling fear and dread. I did not want to go to class the next day.

I had a choice to make here. Fear and dread was knocking on my door wanting to get in and I felt sure, as I was huddled in the fetal position in my bed, that it was  threatening to ruin my teaching career.
Here are the choices I had at that moment:

  1. I could have tried to insulate myself from what was knocking on my door and not hear it. Been there, done that.
  2. I could have  pretended I wasn’t hearing the knocking at the door, wasn’t feeling the fear and dread in the pit of my stomach, and gone to class the next day and tried harder. I’m very good at what I do, and I’m fairly confident I could have fooled everyone into thinking I was secure and competent. I would have worked myself to a frazzle, and would have known that something was wrong, though they might not have known what was wrong. I would have been pretending instead of being present.
  3. I could open the door and let that “horrible” truth come in and tell me what was going on. In short, I could get curious about the knocking at the door instead of trying to ignore it or pretend I am someone I’m not.

Been There, Done That

For many, many years of my life, I ignored the knocking at the door. This is why I had a chronic anxiety disorder in my 20s and into my early 30s. I was afraid of the truth, afraid that I would find that I was a disgusting human being and unworthy of being loved.
When I was about 32, I got tired of being afraid all the time and decided I would make a commitment to being a little braver every day. Whatever you practice you get good at, and I was tired of practicing being a coward. Since that fateful day almost 38 years ago, I have been getting a little braver every day.
But this getting-a-little-braver-every-day business means exactly that — getting a little braver every day. I don’t get to ever check the box that says, “You are Now Brave Enough.” Am I going to show up as I am, as I truly am, or am I going to try to hide behind some facade of competence? I answer this question regularly.
(more…)

Sanity Secret: Go Fast

Thursday, March 18th, 2010

Many years ago when I cross-country skied regularly, my first husband and I had a favorite route from Timberline Lodge on Mt. Hood, about an hour outside of Portland, Oregon. The trail was seven miles of a gentle downhill slope with easy curves on an unplowed forest service road — this is heaven for a cross-country skier.

The problem for me was that I would get going faster than I was comfortable. I was a fairly good skier, but nothing special. Sometimes the snow was slippery and faster than I liked. I would get going too fast and get scared.

My solution was to try to control my speed by slowing down. I had to work hard to do this, and I wasn’t very successful. I still kept falling down. I wore myself out trying to control the speed of my skiing.

Get ready for a major insight.

One day I gave up trying to control my speed. I decided sometimes the best strategy was just to surrender and to Go Fast.

At first I was scared, but I found when I quit trying to control my speed so much, I fell less often. I also started having a whole lot more fun. I realized at the time this was a useful metaphor for living. Sometimes it’s better just to surrender and let yourself go fast.

Building a Business

For the last six months I’ve been in the process of clarifying what it is I have to offer and to whom I can best offer my services. This may sound easy to those of you who’ve never tried to do it, but believe me, it’s taken everything I have to be able to get clear about how to articulate quickly what my special gift is and identify the people I can best serve.

(Here is my Impact Statement: I work with seekers and entrepreneurs to help them dissolve their fear, so they can gain more confidence, have more fun, follow their bliss and create a life beyond their wildest dreams.)

Here is what part of building a business looks like: creating a logo that is your brand, building a website, offering a freebie that will be irresistible so people will want to sign up for it so you can collect their names so you can build your list so you can create the Hive of people who are interested in what you do, so you can offer programs, teleseminars, small group or individual intensives, retreats, private coaching — in short, get yourself out in the world doing what you do best and getting well compensated for it.

This ride is a rather steep downhill, sometimes slippery, slope. I have felt overwhelmed and out of control much of the time, even though I am committed, absolutely committed, to not selling out the joy of today for promised joy tomorrow.

I have found myself too often getting caught up in the future, and not enjoying my present life. This is the exact opposite of what I believe in and value the most in life. I’ve been struggling trying to figure out what I’ve been doing wrong, where I’ve gotten off track so to speak.

The Secret is Revealed

Today I remembered “Go Fast!” I’ve been trying to put my arms around all of the activities, all this new knowledge, all these strategies, all these conferences — all this business building activity and excitement. I’ve tried to understand it, to get a big picture, to hold on to what is good, and to — here it comes — control what is happening to me.

It’s just too big to control.

So today I decided from now on I’m going to surrender and Go Fast. I can’t even control my inbox, much less everything else that is happening to me, so I’m going to go with the flow, do stuff, talk to people, create stuff, and enjoyed every frigging moment of it.

And lo and behold, today I did enjoy every frigging moment! It was so simple! I didn’t even know I was trying to put my arms around “it” and understand “it” and control “it.” Perfectionism is very, very sneaky. And that’s all this is, just my trying to do it all right, or at least understand what is happening to me.

I don’t get to understand “it” all. I get to live it all. I get to surrender and enjoy the exhilaration of Going Fast. I’m going to fall down occasionally, but less often than I was falling down when I was trying to control everything.

Ha! Isn’t this just like it often turns out to be? The answer is so, so simple. Let go, surrender, listen, go with the flow, and follow my bliss. Hey! That just happens to be my business! What a coincidence!

And being in Bali right now, surrounded by beauty and love doesn’t hurt one little bit.

Some Help Loving Yourself

Thursday, December 24th, 2009

 

Whatever we practice we get good at, and we are always practicing something!

I have a client who needed some help overcoming her bad habit of stressing herself out over all those little things that don’t go her way during the day. I created this for her.

If you need it or know someone who does, please pass it on!

This may help you have a happier holiday!

Tracy, It’s easy

Shower the people you love with love–and love as many people as you can!

Vicki

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