A Gift
A SONG: Well Done
from the CD Alive, Alive
I wrote this song as I was listening to keynote speaker Margarita Suarez at an Oregon Counseling Association conference. She encouraged all of us to jump off that cliff of safety and live our lives more fully. As a therapist for over thirty years, she told us that, in her opinion, the single most limiting factor in people’s lives is having never heard “well done.” She said men especially need to hear “well done, son.”
As soon as I heard these words, my inner Muse said, “That is a song!” I started writing, and at the end of the conference, as I had the group in a circle for the closing song (“It Takes a Whole Village” from my CD Alive, Alive) I heard my Muse again say, “Sing the song!”
“But I have not even sung it out loud to myself yet!” I protested.
“Sing the song!” my Muse insisted, and so I did.
After the conference, a woman came up and asked me for the words to the first verse, which was all I had completed at the time. I got a note from the woman later, telling me she had the words written in calligraphy, framed them, and given them to her son for his birthday.
I have sung this song at baccalaureates and at almost every presentation I have made for the last several years. A friend played it at her mother’s funeral. One high school class had the words to the song written in calligraphy for Mother’s Day. It is a simple song with a simple message, and it often makes people cry. I can hear Willie Nelson singing it, and I’m hoping he will want to record it. If you know him, will you ask him?
Well done, son, well done.
I love who you’ve become.
You’re just the way I hoped you’d be.
I love the man in you I see.
Well done, son, well done.
Well done, Dad, well done.
You’ve helped me to become
The best I could be; you set me free.
I love the you in me I see.
Well done, Dad, well done.
My daughter, my love, well done.
I love who you’ve become.
You’re just the way I hoped you’d be.
A woman strong, courageous and free.
My daughter, my love, well done.
Well done, Mom, well done.
You’ve helped me to become
The best I could be; you set me free.
I love the you in me I see.
Well done, Mom, well done.
Well done, friends, well done.
You’ve helped me to become
the best I could be; you set me free.
I love the truth in you I see.
Well done, my friends, well done.
Epilogue:
When I wrote this song, the verse about my father was not true. He was a violent alcoholic and I had spent much of my life cataloging the ways he had failed me. In order to make the verse “Well done, Dad, well done” come true, I had to change my focus. When I stopped looking at how my dad had failed me and looked for the gifts he had given me I found he had passed on three very important qualities: his love of singing, his love of performing, and his smile.
My dad died in May of 2010. None of his three children or his seven grandchildren were with him. No one called to tell me of his death; I found out about it while searching the internet several months later.
“Well Done” helped me heal my relationship with my father in spirit. I forgave him and then forgiveness became a moot point. When I stopped being hurt and angry, I could see his cruelty as woundedness. He was responsible for his actions, and he was a deeply flawed human. He did not love me because he did not know how to love, not because I was not lovable.
Well done, Vicki, well done.
Be extra special kind yourself today, okay?