The other day I woke up in a pit of discouragement. I don’t like feeling discouraged; in fact, I hate feeling discouraged. So when I’m feeling discouraged, I’m not only feeling discouraged, I’m feeling like I’ve let myself and the world down. How about that for a ridiculous thought?
Just as I’ve said fear isn’t the problem, being afraid of being afraid is the problem, and shame isn’t the problem, being ashamed of being ashamed is the problem–discouragement isn’t the problem, being discouraged about discouragement is what will keep us discouraged.
I am a motivational, transformational speaker. My job is to encourage people at all times in all places–or at least that’s how I define my job when I’m discouraged. When I’m not discouraged, I know my job is to show up, tell the truth, be willing, surrender, and be ready to be transformed by whatever is happening to me. I’m not contracting with myself, with The Universe, or with you to always be joyful, positive, and encouraging. I’m a human being. I cannot promise to always be joyful.
I can promise to be a person who is willing to be alive and real every day, a person who knows that fun is a spiritual practice, and that when I surrender to whatever is happening to me, fun is usually just around the corner.
I woke up feeling discouraged because I was thinking these thoughts: I’ve been putting out a lot, and not much is coming back my way. This is not the truth. The truth is I’m putting out a lot and a lot is coming back my way, just not as fast as I would like in my toddler, temper tantruming brain.
Yesterday, when I finally realized I was afraid and even ashamed of being discouraged, I let myself sink in to discouragement without trying to beat it away. As soon as I did this, I realized the truth was I was tired of mustering. I get to be tired of mustering and I get to rest. I get to rest in whatever way I want to rest, which might include watching movie after movie, and So You Think You Can Dance. My recovery gets to look anyway it looks.
I’m reminded of the first part of John Bunyan’s book The Pilgrims Progress. He wrote this when he was in jail in the 17th century. It’s about the journey of Christian. I think it is a great story about anyone who sets out on a path of mindfulness–of being awake and connected to the soul and the journey of the soul.
The first thing that happens to Christian is he falls in the Slew of Despond. The first Thing! He’s barely on the path and the first thing he does is fall into a pit. This sucks. This is not fair. this is, however, how it is sometimes.
He’s sinking in the pit, thrashing around trying to get himself out, probably beating himself up and telling himself some bad things about himself or about life. He thrashes and sinks and thrashes and sinks until finally he surrenders a bit and goes down into the pit a little deeper than was comfortable.
Once he lets himself go a little deeper into, oh, let’s say the feeling of discouragement, his feet find solidity. He’s still up to his chin in muck, but he is no longer sinking. His surrendering to the sinking has allowed him to find solidity. How about that?
As soon as he finds some solid footing, again with the muck up to his chin, along comes Hope. Hope reaches out to Christian, and Christian must reach out and accept help in order to get out of the muck.
Let me review:
First, Christians starts out on a big journey and the first thing that happens is he falls into a pit. Second, he thrashes around and wears himself out. Third, he finally surrenders to the feeling, even though he’s very scared that he’s going to sink and drown. Fourth, once he surrenders he finds solid ground, though he is still up to his eyeballs in muck. Fifth, now that he has quit thrashing around he is offered Hope, but he must reach out and accept the help offered in order to get out of the muck.
Surrendering is Not Giving Up
I surrendered yesterday to my feeling of discouragement, and found some solid ground in knowing that I was simply tired of mustering. I get to get tired of mustering. When I quit thrashing about and hurting myself, my husband reached out to me with his incredible soulfulness and wisdom. I reached back and accepted his help. He gave me the attention and perspective I needed to help me hose myself off and get back on my feet again.
I don’t have to muster today if I don’t want to. Because I don’t’ have to muster today, I’ve mustered today. So far today I’ve contacted someone who offered to help me set up a workshop in Hawaii. (Want to come?) I also talked with a coaching client, I wrote a description of a new product I’m putting together and sent it to my Virtual Assistant, and I’ve written this article. Oh, I also washed my hair.
It’s now 11 AM. I think I’m better, but I don’t have to be better if I don’t want to be.
Discouragement does indeed suck. But I don’t have to be afraid of it. I don’t have to be afraid of feeling any way I’m feeling.
And neither do you.
Blessings,
Vicki