The week of July 22, I’m teaching the class for The Innovative Northwest Teacher in West Linn, Oregon near Portland. For five days teachers get to go to the bathroom anytime they want, laugh, play, get rejuvenated and earn three graduate level credits from Portland State University. I am in my bliss and invite everyone to join me. You can check out the class here: http://www.tint-edu.com/Classes/Boy_Friendly.html. I can also teach this class anywhere in the world and would be happy to come to where you are for a week.
Teachers who take TINT classes are the very best, and the effect of good teachers, the research tells us, lasts for years if not for a lifetime. This year I’m focusing on how to get the best out of boys by providing an environment and activities that are full of fun, challenge, movement, and humor. This environment is also good for girls, of course, but if the boys in the class are unhappy, the whole class is unhappy, as any teacher will tell you.
I’m sharing this with everyone who receives this newsletter, even though all those reading this are not educators, because it is clear to me this information is good for everyone – husbands, wives, parents, teachers, men, women, boys, girls, – everyone.
Turning the Light on Shame Sets Us Free
If you want to get the best out of boys, if you want to get the best out of everyone, it’s important to deal with shame. Even though everyone has felt shame, we’re so ashamed of our shame, we rarely speak of it. Shame is allowed to fester and grow unfettered in the dark.
Shame sucks the joy and courage out of life. Instead of living through our strengths, we timidly hide our true selves inside where no one can find us and stomp on us. Sadly, after shrinking from our authenticity for many years, we get disconnected from our passions and our unique gifts. Shame fills us, and, ironically, leaves a void in us that needs filling. Creativity, kindness, and courage are often replaced with cruelty, despair, consumerism, depression, or drug abuse.
In his book It’s a boy!: understanding your son’s development from birth to age 18 Michael Thompson talks about the Culture of Cruelty. This is an environment when children, when left to their own devices, allow shaming and put downs to become the norm if adults don’t step in to stop it. Replacing the Culture of Cruelty with a culture of encouragement is not difficult, in fact; it can be tons of fun. You do have to believe it’s possible and stick with it daily, but it has been done and can be done in any environment.
I’ve worked with tough, previously-jailed teenagers and I teach them that people are not cruel because they are strong and confident; people are cruel because they are afraid and ashamed. Homophobia, racism, sexism, bullying – the basis of all these behaviors is shame, though we rarely speak its name, even to ourselves.
When boys can grow in a safe environment that holds them accountable for their behavior and gives them activities that speak to their creativity, dare I say souls, they flourish. Flourish.
You can see why I’ve decided I need to share this particular newsletter with all the people I’m connected to.
TED Talks
Here are some TED talks that might make you cry. They deal with the topics I have mentioned: creating safety for everyone to create and fail and be different.
Brené Brown: Listening to shame | Video on TED.com
Brené Brown: The power of vulnerability | Video on TED.com
Andrew Solomon: Love, no matter what | Video on TED.com
Mister Rogers on The Tonight Show Joan Rivers in 1983 – YouTube
Shawn Achor: The happy secret to better work | Video on TED.com
I believe creativity is the cure, that finding what is inside us that wants to come out and play and be beautiful, will heal the world.
As always, I’m available as an educational consultant, parental coach, and creativity coach. If you are interested in delving into the issues of shame, vulnerability creativity and freedom, please contact me.
Follow your bliss or it will stalk you,
Vicki