When I was six and getting taught to swim, I was told, with great certainty, that the only way to swim was to put your face in the water.
I hated putting my face in the water, and I thought there was something wrong with me. I did not like the lessons and thought I did not like to swim. I could swim, I passed all the tests, but I thought swimming was not for me.
Fast forward twenty two years. I am a new mother of my first born child, a perfectly marvelous little girl named Katie. Her father and I were committed to being the very best parents we could be, so we followed the advice of the day and enrolled ourselves and our baby girl of six months in an introduction to swimming class.
We were told, again with great certainty that we needed to get our daughter used to the water, specifically having water on her face. We dutifully donned our suits and entered the pool with our precious bundle of joy. We passed her cheerful self between us several times, and then, as instructed, we dipped her in the water on one of the passes between us.
We were told she would be startled, but that she would soon recover. Let’s just say the screaming began and did not end and we exited the pool. Not only that, she screamed during every bath for the next three years. Three years. No more water in her face, mind you, I had given that up, but the memory of our betrayal of her trust took years for us all to recover from.
She recovered from her water phobia completely only when we got a hot tub and she could play in warm water and completely control the situation.
Fast forward another thirty years. I’m in Bali staying in a delightful small hotel called Melati Cottages. There is a pool. It is hot in Bali, and I love to cool off in the pool, but I do not swim.
Then I get it. I can swim any way I like and it is still swimming! Yes, if I wanted to become a competitive swimmer I would have to learn to put my face in the water, but for my purposes, I could swim backstroke or dog paddle. I get to swim with my face happily out of the water.
I could get great exercise, cool off, and thoroughly enjoy the water, my body, the surrounding tropical foliage, and feel pretty darn grand about myself.
Authentic swimming is not just about swimming.
In all areas of our lives people err telling us what we should do: how we should do yoga, and how we should eat, and how we should dress, and how we should not get any wrinkles, and blah, blah, blah.
It’s not that any of this advice is bad or wrong. It’s just that we all get to run all the expert advice through our own system and decide what is authentic for us. Period. That’s it.
Where have you surrendered your authority? Do you let anyone else tell you whether or not you get to sing, write, dance, wear hats, wear or not wear makeup, or eat dessert first?
We have been systematically taught to surrender our authority. When we do this, we lose our authenticity and we are no longer the author of our lives. We are the victims of bad or good advice, but we are not practicing taking responsibility for our every choice.
With responsibility comes freedom and with freedom comes joy and with joy comes my floating in the pool in Bali feeling grateful to be alive.
I’d much rather be floating in the pool on my terms than avoiding the water on someone else’s terms. So there!
Vicki,
I totally agree. Igrew up with parents who told me exactly how to do most everything. I was miserable for many years. Now that I’m on my own and had many years of therapy, I make my own decisions–which are usually good decisions for me (which is after all what counts) and I’m much more content in my life, even when I make decisions to deprive myself of something, say for medical reasons. I’m choosing and I choose when to cheat.
I enjoy putting my face in the water but I never learned how to breathe doing the Australian crawl. I always sucked in water. So I learned how to swim with my face in the water and come up for a breath every once in a while. Not elegant but gets the job done 🙂
So I’ve decided when I get an endless pool, I will wear one of those snorkeling masks and swim for long periods of time. Which will be authentic for me!
Yes, I too made a big mistake with my child. When my son was tiny, I pressed him to sing in tune. To this day he is certain he can not sing. I learned that lesson and my other two kids always sang with abandon but I managed to stifle my first born with “the rules”. He is 36 and just starting to dare to sing! Such long term impact!
I find this very affirming. I, too, have always been a ‘face out of the water’ swimmer. As a child I had allergies and water going up my nose and into my sinuses was extremely painful. I never got the hang of blowing out.
I had never given a lot of thought to the fact that we are taught to surrender our authority, but it’s true. “Do things my way. Your way is wrong”, is the not-too-subtle message.
On that note, I am still thinking about your post from last week and really, it’s changing my life. Saying, ‘there’s nothing wrong with me’ gives me peace and self-acceptance. Most other messages we receive tell us there is something wrong with us if you don’t – buy the product, agree with the speaker, tow the line, etc. But I like me, and there’s nothing wrong with me just as I am.
Vicki,
Dog paddle away in your bliss! Yes to authenticity! We were just talking about this this morning! Reminds me of what I wrote yesterday on my telephone writers’ circle. We had 2 minutes to respond to the prompt: “What’s happening to me?”
What’s happening to me?
unhooking
unraveling
until I’m free
no more constraints
I reveal myself
I come out of hiding
I burst forth
for all to see
see what you will
hear what you want
I choose to do and say
what comes from my inner core
I pay no mind to social norms
there are no right forms
LOVE THIS!!!
Thank you Vicki!
don’t swim at all love the water….needed that thanks
I too am a face out of the water swimmer and never could jump in the water without holding my nose. Thanks for your piece reminding me that I can do what I want in the water and I don’t have to look at my water style as “wrong” or “not normal” It’s me being in touch with me and my own swimmer!