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A is for Appreciation: Anatomy of a Gratitude

November 15th, 2010

Note:  This article is part of a book I’m writing.  My new proposed title is: Habit of Heart:  Remembering What Matters Every Day. What do you think?

Since I’ve always felt like an alien in my family of origin, I’ve had difficulty coming up with ancestor gratitude.

I’m very grateful for my mother’s enduring love, for my singing and performing ability which I got from my father, and for my nurturing grandmother, who baked bread, canned cherries, grew flowers, and cooked the best fried chicken in bacon fat you ever tasted.

This morning, though, when I was dialoguing with my Angel Committee, I started tracing back my current gratitudes. I’ve been on an eating regimen for three months and have lost 26 pounds, thank you very much. I feel great, look great, and am enjoying the process of giving away my clothes that are now too big for me. Yahoo!

Here’s the anatomy of this gratitude:

  • Phil, my health coach
  • Sue, my friend I met when I was working for the Oregon Department of Education as a Distinguished Oregon Educator, who introduced me to Phil.
  • Dan, the principal who nominated me to be a Distinguished Oregon educator.
  • Sarah and others on the hiring committee, who hired a high school English teacher to be an elementary school counselor when she had no experience in elementary school whatsoever.
  • Chris, who gave me a job as a teaching assistant in the English department at Oregon State University, which allowed me to go to graduate school.
  • Tom, my first husband, who supported my decision to stop teaching and go to graduate school to get my masters in counseling.
  • Eldon, the principal who hired my first husband and me to come and teach at South Albany Highest School which got me close to Oregon State University where I could go to graduate school.
  • My Dad, who hired me to work in his bar in Phoenix, Oregon where Eldon met me when I was working as a waitress and hired me to work at Phoenix High School where I met my first husband, Tom.

I was amazed at this Gratitude Anatomy led back to my father. I’m not used to being grateful to my father for anything except the above mentioned singing and performing ability. My dad was a narcissistic violent alcoholic, who slept with other women while married to my mom, embarrassed me in front of my friends, and invited lecherous drunks into our home. He died in May of this year, which I found out by looking on the Internet in September. I had not seen him in 17 years.

Why is this important?

I just read The Survivors Club, and at the end of the book the author talks about the “Illusion of Isolation.” We are never alone; we never have been alone, but sometimes our shame convinces us we are broken and excluded.

Because I always felt like an alien, I had felt disconnected from the Mother Ship, as it were. Like an astronaut on a spacewalk, I felt my lifeline severed. I’ve been floating in space, enjoying the spectacular view and the freedom, but I’ve missed the solidity of being able to lean back into a line of ancestors supporting me, bringing me to this exact point in my life.

And guess what? When I trace my gratitude for my eating regimen to my dad, I run smack dab into my mother as well. And if I’m going to be grateful for my mother, I have to be grateful for her parents. Her mother died at age 34 when my mother was 15. Her name was Beatrice Lela and I think I would’ve liked her a lot. My grandfather on my mother’s side was a violent gambling sociopathic alcoholic. I never did like him.

But after having done my Anatomy of Gratitude, I think I’ve established a pattern that will support me the rest of my life. My ancestors, no matter how flawed, were essential in my being the person I am, with the wounds I have, and the wounds I’ve transformed into gifts. My ancestors have got my back.

And my guess is if I could get to know ancestors further back than these two generations, I might find an artistic, philosophizing, world changing woman thriving a hundred and fifty years ago. She would recognize me as her kin, see me for who I am, and share my triumphs and defeats. I might just dialogue with her tomorrow!

What does this have to do with you?

I invite you to do your own Anatomy of Gratitude. Pick something in your life right now for which you are grateful. Then trace back all the people who contributed to your having this wonderful thing in your life.

I’d love to know how this works for you. If you would be willing to share your process, I might even be able to share your results in my newsletter, anonymously of course.

Our brains and bodies love gratitude. There is no habit that connects spirituality, relationships, service, physical health, mental health, and emotional health better than the habit of gratitude. We can completely shift our energy by just taking a few minutes to really let ourselves feel our gratitude for the miracles that surround all of us every day.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.  If you’ve read this far, I invite you to assume your Angel Committee is at work again, and that you are being called to create your own Anatomy of a Gratitude.

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